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we went through a team training today at work where we had some discussions about business consciousness, and how to be an active and positive teammate in the workplace. surprisingly interesting stuff. but i won’t go too much into it except to mention one of the bizarre insights i pulled from it.

one of the themes of the workshop was how to stop being a ‘Victim’ and start being a ‘Player’. not to try to recreate the whole discussion, but a victim is someone who is always making excuses by blaming factors outside of his control, while a player is someone who is active and responsible for his actions.

as i was sitting there listening to this seminar/session, i started thinking: ‘that sounds EXACTLY like poker players that cry about bad beats all the time.’ everyone has a friend like that:

man, this guy was calling EVERYTHING. i finally called his all-in and he only had a stupid draw and i had a big pair. and he hit it on the river! he gets so lucky ALL of the time!

you know that guy. i’ve been that guy before.

a few weeks ago, i actually had someone ask me, “hey, i don’t know much about poker, but my friends say they don’t play in the casinos because people always get lucky on them. what do you think?”

what do i think? i think his friends, just like your buddy who cries about his bad beats are what the Axialent training program would call “Victims.” and while it can feel good to blame your whole lost stack on a bad beat, it’s not very productive and it’s almost never all right.

9 times out of 10, the reason you lost your whole stack is because you played the hand wrong, or you could have played the hand differently, or you played some previous hand wrong to lose most of your chips.

one of my worst feelings as a poker player was getting knocked out of this little $200 buy-in tournament at venetian last summer, right at the end of my week-long poker trip. on the last hand, i got knocked out when my AK was called by another guy’s AQ on a A79 board and didn’t hold up. sounds like somewhat of a bad beat, but i didn’t begrudge the other guy at all. after a few minutes though, i started feeling sick, but not from that hand.

i was sick because of a hand i had played earlier in the tournament, when i was actually the chipleader. i had AQ from the SB and just called the late-position raise by a tricky player. on a flop of A62, i checked and he checked. on the blank turn i bet out, he raised me, and i went nuts and re-raised. he called. i went more crazy and bet the blank river, he moved in on me. i ended up doubling up the other big stack at the table, after playing horrifically. he ended up winning the whole thing. that’s what got me knocked out and it was no one’s fault but my own.

i think that’s the kinds of self-reflection you have to have in poker (or even in the working world, i guess). i was not the victim of a bad beat, i was the criminal (of bad play). i just had to go back and think about it a bit. it takes some honesty and some humility to blame yourself, even in poker.

so next time you hear someone crying about a bad beat, tell them to stop being such a Victim. and if you’re the “victim” of the bad beat, stop and ask yourself a few questions: could i have played that hand better? could i have played that hand differently? what other hands did i play badly? i think you’ll find that if you ask yourself those questions, you’ll always end up taking responsibility of your own mistakes and you’ll be less likely to bitch about bad beats. and you’ll be more enjoyable to be around too.