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A caveat, regular readers will know that I have an almost unhealthy dislike of the Suns and vehemently disagreed with Steve Nash as MVP the last few seasons.

Currently I’m watching the Suns-Spurs Game 4. Phoenix is playing its ass off, but hey, when you’re down 3-0 maybe you should do that? Assuming this series ends as it should (with the Spurs getting it done), that would mean the Suns have been punted from the playoffs AGAIN before the NBA Finals (much less an actual championship). When you have a two-time NBA MVP on your team who is in the prime of his career, usually that would mean you’re getting ripped apart in the press for not being able to win when it counts. But for some reason, nobody gives Steve Nash shit for that. Why?

There are a couple of simple explanations. I’m interested to hear what other people think it is:

1) “Oh, Nash isn’t really like Lebron or Kobe or somebody like that. He needs the others around him to step up to win at that level.” Well, in that case, why the HELL was he the MVP before?

2) “Nash is white, so we don’t get on him.” I’m sorry, to me this seems like the only other logical explanation.

The bottom line is that nobody (the media, fans, etc.) seems to hold Steve Nash to the same standards we hold other NBA MVP’s. When he loses nobody’s surprised and nobody calls him a choke. Ask yourself, honestly, why is that?

The baseball season is in full-force and with it comes the yearly refrain of “baseball is boring.” I’ve heard it, in some form or another, at least three times this week:

“hey, are you gonna come to the a’s game tonight?”
“no, i can’t really get into baseball. it’s just too slow.”

My first reaction is to always scoff at these people and call them cruel, unsavory names. After all, what IDIOT doesn’t recognize the beauty of America’s pastime? What are these people, NASCAR fans?!

But I’ve been doing some thinking and I realize there’s a very objective/logical reason that many people find baseball to be boring – it’s the subtlety of the sport (stay with me here).

In most popular spectator sports, the average sports fan is drawn in by either a) the consistent fantastic athletic prowess of the participants, or b) the very obvious strategy of the game that is exposed to all. Basketball players consistently perform seemingly super-human feats. Football games are marked by a plethora of constant strategic decisions that are actively pointed-out by commentators between plays. Soccer (futbol) is a constant symphony very athletic plays and fluid tactical moves. These are all easy to see and appreciate, even for those who barely understand the rules.

But what about baseball? Well, in an average baseball game, a non-fan will probably “see” 2-5 incredible feats of physical prowess in a 3+ hour game. A home run here, a double-play there. Whoa, that guy made a diving catch! Simply put, the volume and consistency just isn’t very high. For comparison, in basketball, a 2-hour game can provide 40-50 fantastic physical feats.

So that leaves the strategic aspect. Any fan who truly understands baseball knows that the most interesting part of the game is the pitcher-batter strategy. The changing of speeds and spins of pitches. The careful (or not-so-careful pitch placements by the thrower). The effect on the pitcher of a baserunner on second. Basically, the whole “setup”. It’s a beautiful, intricate strategic battle… And for the casual sports fan, it is completely lost. To the uninitiated, it looks like the pitcher rears back and throws the ball as hard as he can, followed by the batter swinging as hard as he can. Does he hit it? Maybe, maybe not. Who cares!

The problem is compounded when the most interesting strategic decisions by coaches in baseball (hit-and-runs, fielding shifts, etc.) are so rarely examined on television.

When you compare the obscurity of baseball strategy to football strategy, the difference is apparent. Even casual football fans now understand the concepts of run-pass balance, 8-men in the box, zone blitzes, and double moves. On every play, the commentators are constantly analyzing routes, pulling guards, and wide receiver blocks. And even when a viewer doesn’t understand all that… well, people are getting hit! Hard! Woohoo!

So the next time you think about calling baseball boring, think about this: maybe you just don’t understand it. That’s not a knock on you, it’s a knock on the sport, the television productions, and the game’s ability to explain itself to you. Maybe it’s like art museums, operas, reality tv shows, and rap music: you can’t stand it until you “get” it.

I think it was only a matter of time (after all, I’ve been pumping him up for years), but it looks like Chris Paul is going to be using these playoffs to announce his ascension to the NBA point guard throne. You don’t throw up 32 points and 17 assists on Jason Kidd (even a mid-30’s Jason Kidd) unless you are that player.

Just watch the ESPN video clip of last night’s highlights. Notice how many of the plays involve the common thread of Paul, having the ball in his hands, scoring or finding shots for other players. I mean, look at the other players on his team: Tyson Chandler (who has magically thrived for the first time on Paul’s team), David West (now an NBA All-Star simply by knocking down the mid-range jumpers that Paul finds for him), and Peja (an aging shooter who is suddenly looking like his old self).

So everyone watch carefully as he firmly entrenches himself in the upper tier of NBA stars over the next few weeks. Kobe, Lebron, Tim Duncan, KG, and Chris Paul. That’s it.

On the way to the airport: Madrid, Barcelona, and London.

Stanford, try not to lose ALL our coaches while I’m gone.

Thanks,
Jack

Dear Mike Montgomery,

First off, thank you for making Stanford Mens’ Basketball a relevant program in the college basketball scene. What you were able to do over the years to overcome the strict admissions requirements of Stanford was nothing short of amazing. A Final Four appearance, four conference championships, and perennial standing in the top few of the competitive Pac-10 is tremendous no matter the school. To do that at Stanford where the players actually have to be able to read, write, and speak coherent English? Remarkable.

That being said, I heard today that you’re going to be the new basketball coach at Cal. If that’s true: thank you.

Over the past eight years, I can’t even count the number of times I’ve defended you. Even when our teams choked year after year in the NCAA tournament (see: 2001, 2004), I pinned it on bad shooting days, poor luck, and lack of athleticism. I told myself that we should be even lucky to have a nationally-competitive team – “what amazing coaching to lose to Alabama!” When you ditched Stanford for The League, I convinced myself that all Cardinal fans should be happy for you to go get paid. When you completely stank it up as an NBA coach, demonstrating a shocking lack of creativity and ability to relate to players, I blamed it on “the players that wouldn’t listen.” When Nellie came along and took that (mostly identical) team to the playoffs, I said, “Well, Monty’s style just works better for college.” Basically, I deluded myself in every way because you were the guy who made the program relevant.

So thank you for clearing my head up. Instead of sorting out another way to defend you, I can just move on and start hating you. In 2001? Stanford choked in the Elite 8 (and almost choked in the two rounds before that). In 2004? Stanford choked in the Second Round. And you know what? I’m going to start blaming those on you. You were a shitty NBA coach. You were an asshole for coming back to Stanford this part year and then jumping ship like a fucking mercenary for Cal.

And Cal? You might think you’re going to make that program a national power now since you can recruit academically retarded kids who don’t give a shit about school, but I know you won’t. I know because the Basketball Gods will not let someone so sinister win (and because UCLA and USC will out-recruit you for those players). And (believe me, this pains me to say it), if somehow your team is good enough, you’re going to choke like I know you can.

So congratulations, Monty. You just made me excited for next year’s Pac-10 basketball season. I can’t wait to root against Cal (and you!) in every game. Fuck Cal.

Sincerely,
Jack

p.s. Mike Lee was right, that was a class-less move to call out Billy Donovan years ago. You’re an asshole.

I was surfing around on Yelp the other day, and I stopped by to read a couple reviews of one of my favorite Chinese restaurants: Queen’s House (my review here). It’s a pretty fantastic place where you can feed an NFL offensive line for around $30. No, the food’s not necessarily what you would call “healthy” or “gourmet”. But hey, can you really argue with a good $5 bowl of beef noodle soup that will last you two meals?

Anyway, I was reading along until I started seeing some absolutely ridiculous reviews, like this one [side note: Don't order Kung Pao Chicken at a Chinese restaurant and then assume it is representative of the food. It's like tasting the ketchup from In-n-Out and declaring the whole chain awful. Plus you look stupid.]. There were even several reviews complaining about the service. The service! At a cheap Chinese restaurant! Ha!

For those of you that don’t know, there is one undeniable rule of Chinese restaurants and it is this:

Do not EVER eat at a Chinese restaurant that has good service if it has cheap prices. Never. Do not pass Go. Don’t even think about it.

A cheap Chinese restaurant that has good food is cheap for a reason – they are skimping on decor and service. I think the understanding that Chinese restaurants aren’t dressed up like Quince is fairly well-understood, but people don’t seem to understand that good Chinese restaurants don’t give a shit about your “holistic dining experience.” If they have good food, they have lots of customers, so their entire goal is to get your ass in and out as soon as possible. Period. I mean, c’mon, they’re Chinese! Of course they’re trying to optimize revenue!

So in summary, if you sit down at a Chinese restaurant that has cheap food and the waiter treats you with general disdain, there’s a chance you’re in a good spot. It’s even better if, instead of placing your plates of food onto the table, they bring them an inch or two off the table and drop-clatter-slide them to the middle [note: they will slide because the server wiped your table with a wet rag right in front of you after seating you, which was seconds after the last guy stood up].

And my gosh, if you walk into a cheap Chinese restaurant and the server seems attentive and courteous? Get the HELL out of there before you end up with the Chinese version of Montezuma’s Revenge.

Seriously.

Apparently it’s really rough being young, incredibly wealthy, and famous. Just check out how Matt Leinart, Arizona Cardinals’ QB and probably better known in the tabloids than on the field, is living his life:

Among the four photos splashed across Web sites thedirty.com and TMZ.com over the weekend, Leinart was shown assisting a co-ed drinking from a beer bong in one and sharing a hot tub with four women in another.

ESPN: Whisenhunt has chat with Leinart after photos hit Internet
If you’re one of those religious types, you should probably start praying/meditating/etc. for Leinart. It sounds like he’s having a really rough time…

As they say “in the industry”, this is a “Big Deal”: Source: Indiana near agreement to make Crean next coach

Great coach, storied program. Should be a great fit.